A few Things I can't Wait for

 I can't wait to:
1.  exercise without hurting (my feet, knees) and puffing like a steam engine (shortness of breath).
2. sleep without my CPAP again. No more waking up with strap marks on my face.
3. wear leggings and boots and not have my legs look like two tree stumps.
4. mount my horse with just a normal mounting block or maybe even withOUT a mounting block!
5. ride for a few hours without feeling guilty that I'm torturing my horse.
6. buy clothes off the rack. From anywhere.
7. buy clothes and have them look even remotely like they do on the models (and I mean the plus size models not the thin ones)

There are more. I'm sure.

I have a Surgery Date: June 23rd!

I finished all my pre-reqs so I got to see the surgeon. He sent me for one final clearance which I have done. My surgery date will be June 23rd. It's so very real now.

I ordered my supplements even though I won't need them for a while. I also ordered several shakes to try different flavors. 27% protien at Bariatric Advantage. Just sipped an Orange Dream and it wasn't bad. A little "slimy" though.

I've started to think about my weight. How did I get this way? Why did I let this happen. 5 foot 7 and 297 lbs. That was my high. And I've only lost 13 lbs so far. I know it will go much faster after surgery. But I fear if I don't know why it happened, it will just happen again.

I can think of several traumatic events I could blame in my youth. But ya know, I really think it was my first divorce. I was one who had to watch what I ate and stayed around 150 to 160 until my divorce. Then I started to gain that 10 lbs a year thing. And before I knew it... I was very big.

Meanwhile I got married again, had another baby. And the weight just kept coming. I never weighed I just stopped noticing.

Another divorce... And then suddenly, it felt too late to turn back. Like when your house becomes a massive mess and facing the cleaning seems impossible. My "house" was a mess.

I was content to hide in my fortress of fat. 

A Long Overdue Journey

This journey actually started a long time ago. I've been overweight a long time.

Ok, let's not fool ourselves. Obese. Morbidly obese. There. I said it.

The least I've weighed in the last 20 years was 240. The most was 297. And in the last 15, I've usually been about 270 - 280. I'll lose 20 lbs, gain 30.

I was 160 in 1986. And spent the next 10 years gaining about 10 lbs a year. Voila la. Here I am.

2014 - 297. A all time high (low).

Now, in the early 2000's, I wanted to get RnY surgery. But insurance coverage was iffy. Mid 2000's, my insurance covered it so I went through all the hoops. Six months of doctor visits, and so on, so on. But I got distracted and didn't follow through. I started again in 2009 but then got laid off my job during the process, was rehired, and too distracted to follow through.

Then quit my job and went into business for myself. And my new insurance doesn't cover it. So I put it off again.

This year, at a high of 297 I said, no more. No more.

In January, I went to a RnY seminar. My Intake appointment was in February. My first actual appointment with the SMH Bariatric Center was March. I had to have three appointments with the Center, blood work, full physical, EKG, 2 Nutrition classes, and a pysch eval.

As of May 16th I have it all completed. On May 20th I meet with the surgeon and then I will get the date of my RnY surgery.

Right now I weigh 284 lbs. I'm on a 1500 calorie per day diet, hungry all the time. Drinking a lot of water and practicing chewing and taking a long time to eat.

Reading all the blogs and forums I can about the journey. Excited and scared at the same time but so ready to begin.

My bestie went through it in January so she's an invaluable source of information and encouragement. She's doing just AWESOME. I can't wait to shed some of this blubber!